Former English leader Lewis Moody has revealed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full ramifications of the muscle-wasting condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the 2003 championship side and lifted numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after discovering he has the disease.
"There's a certain looking the future in the face and being reluctant to really process that at the minute," he commented.
"This doesn't mean I don't understand where it's progressing. We comprehend that. But there is absolutely a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, conversing alongside his wife Annie, states conversely he feels "calm" as he concentrates on his present wellbeing, his family and making preparations for when the condition progresses.
"Possibly that's shock or possibly I handle situations in another way, and when I have the facts, it's more manageable," he stated further.
Early Symptoms
Moody discovered he had MND after detecting some reduced power in his upper arm while exercising in the gym.
After physiotherapy was ineffective for the issue, a number of scans showed nerve cells in his brain and spinal cord had been compromised by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're rightly extremely emotional about it, but it's rather peculiar because I think I'm perfectly healthy," he continued.
"I don't feel sick. I don't experience poorly
"The signs I have are rather minimal. I have a bit of muscle deterioration in the fingers and the shoulder region.
"I remain capable of accomplishing all activities. And optimistically that will continue for as long as is feasible."
Disease Progression
MND can develop swiftly.
As per the non-profit MND Association, the disease takes the lives of a one-third of people within a year and above half within 24 months of identification, as ingestion and breathing become harder.
Treatment can only delay deterioration.
"It's never me that I feel sad for," stated an affected Moody.
"It's the grief around having to inform my mum - as an single child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Personal Consequences
Talking from the family home with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by sentiment when he discussed telling his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the traumatic news, stating: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was pretty upsetting," Moody said.
"We were seated on the couch in crying, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog bounded over and commenced removing the tears off our faces, which was rather funny."
Moody explained the emphasis was staying in the present.
"There exists no cure and that is why you have to be extremely militantly concentrated on just embracing and enjoying each moment now," he stated.
"As Annie said, we've been truly blessed that the primary decision I made when I concluded playing was to spend as much duration with the kids as feasible. We can't reclaim those years back."
Sportsman Link
Elite athletes are excessively affected by MND, with studies proposing the incidence of the condition is up to six times greater than in the general population.
It is believed that by restricting the O2 accessible and causing injury to nerve cells, consistent, intense exercise can initiate the illness in those already vulnerable.
Athletic Playing Days
Moody, who gained 71 England selections and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in recognition of his brave, persistent method to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a practice altercation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he abandoned a training equipment and started participating in tackles.
After coming on as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the rear of the set piece in the critical phase of play, establishing a foundation for playmaker Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the victory-securing drop-goal.
Backing System
Moody has already notified Johnson, who led England to that victory, and a handful of other former players about his medical situation, but the others will be learning his news with the remainder of public.
"There shall be a moment when we'll need to rely on their backing but, at the present, just having that kind of love and acknowledgment that people are present is what's important," he stated.
"The sport is such a great group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even when it ended now, I've valued all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you have the opportunity to label your enthusiasm your profession, it's one of the most significant privileges.
"To have done it for so long a time with the teams that I did it with was a delight. And I know they will desire to support in whatever way they can and I look forward to having those discussions."
